Taking Off


The night after I learnt that my best friend had been killed I went onto Etsy and ordered a custom bracelet. It has two little love hearts and WWSD on it, What Would Scott Do? In the past what I did when I was unsure was spoke to Scott and found my direction. I needed something, I needed him and couldn’t.

To be honest I didn’t really believe that he was dead. It was a mixture of disbelief and denial as well as pure grief. I first found out on Facebook which I think added to the confusion, it seemed like a prank, a joke.

Scott was a huge fan of Tom Sawyer (my nickname for him was Sawyer) and I kept expecting to look up into the rafters and find him there, except he could never be so cruel to all of us who loved him.

I kept the bracelet on from the moment it arrived until twenty minutes ago. The cord that it was on was so badly frayed that it was almost broken through. (Not badly made, but with a GSD puppy it’s incredible it lasted this long) I couldn’t stand the thought of losing it so I took it off and will fix it as soon as I get materials.

I think that the reason I was able to take it off today is that I am doing exactly what I want, I am living the life that I talked about with Scott for so many years. I haven’t had a day, barely an hour when I don’t think about him, miss him, want to tell him and show him what is going on in my life and in the world.

Sugarland are recording again, Prince Harry is engaged to a badass feminist American, science proves that British people can’t pretend that being white is patriotic,  Black Panther is even better than we all hoped for, Mirai Nagasu landed a triple axel in Pyeong Chang. The world has somehow, inexplicably, carried on turning.

Oh, Sawyer.

What would Scott do? My words to live by.

I’m not sure why I’m sharing this other than it gives a little more insight into why I am so determined to live the life I want. To embrace it fully and to keep on going.



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